There is a song by Chris Tomlin called “Good Good Father”. I’m sure most of you have heard it, if not you should check it out. The bridge says, “You are perfect in all of your ways to us”. I’ve sang this song so many times, but I actually heard that line for the first time one Sunday in church. You see I had auditioned for a more major part in my church choir and I was waiting to hear the results. I was really anxious about it even though I told myself it was in God’s hands. I did my best and if He wants me in that position, I’ll be there, right? But then I found myself always thinking about it. You know how we talk to ourselves right? Maybe I should have chosen a different song. Maybe I should have answered that question this way and darn I forgot to say this and it’s really important. You get my drift; I couldn’t let it go. It was during this process of running this tape through my head that that song line jumped out at me and I had to stop and ask myself, do I really mean what I’m singing here? If God’s ways towards me are perfect, then why am I so concerned with the outcome.
I did some studying, and I think maybe that song line could come from Psalm 18:32 that says” It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.”
If I am second guessing myself then am I relying on my own strength or His? I realized that It was not about an audition but rather where I was putting my trust. You see in that Psalm David was going through far worse difficulties, yet he trusted in God for the right outcome, even though he didn’t know what it would be.
One thing he did declare in that Psalm was his right standing before God. He says in verse 20;
The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness; According to the cleanness of my hands He has recompensed me.21 For I have kept the ways of the Lord And have not wickedly departed from my God.
David believed that his good outcome was based on his standing before God. Well, due to the Grace of God through Christ, I have that same standing, because it says in 1 Corinthians 5:21 that Jesus took my sin so I could have His righteousness. So, if I have everything that David has and he could believe for victory in the face of apparent defeat, surely the results of a simple audition was not something I should be stressing about.
So why the concern, the anxiety? And why was I so disappointed when I didn’t get the part? Well I had moved to a new town and I was still trying to settle in and find where I belonged. I knew God called me to be there, but I didn’t know what the ultimate plan was and that’s difficult for the logical side of me that wants to know what and how and when. Getting this position would have enabled me to say okay, that’s one reason I’m here, God wants to use me in this. The alternative was continuing to wait for God to reveal his directions which honestly, I was not happy about. Through this incident though, God taught me an important truth.
Until the age of 45 I made most of my major life decisions out of self-preservation and without much plan or purpose. Now after giving my life to God, I’m asking Him to work His plan in my life but the old habits are still there and my tendency is to move forward according to my own understanding when I can’t hear anything definitive from God. Waiting on the Lord was very difficult for me as it is for most people. I used to think that it was lack of faith that caused this but not anymore. Instead I have come to realize that there is a difference in believing God to be faithful and believing Him to be trustworthy.
Faith can be objectionable if it stems from the intellect rather than the heart. I recall my father logically proving belief in God with pen and paper, despite not being a believer himself. For me, believing in God has never been an issue, regardless of my life’s circumstances.
Trust on the other hand is a different story. Trust is intimate, personal, born out of an example of safe relationships that I had never really experienced. It was easy for me to say, God so loved the world, but a lot harder to declare, God so loved Gina. For me to believe that God is trustworthy is to believe that he has a personal interest in me and that He has MY best interest at heart. This has been a difficult truth for me to get a hold of, with my background of betrayal and abuse. I praise God for His healing power that is helping me to know what the love of a good father is really all about.
Psalm 18: 30 says “As for God His way is perfect; the Word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield for those who trust Him.” Him being a Shield means that He protects me even from myself. Looking back on my life, I know that to be true. I made so many destructive choices in my life, yet here I stand, sane, healthy, free from my addiction and cleansed of all my guilt and shame.
Romans 8:28 says And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Things may not always work out the way I want them too but, if I’m honest, they’ve always worked out like they should. Whether I make a wrong choice, trust the wrong person or even sing a wrong note, His Grace has always been sufficient. There are things I was convinced I wanted that I didn’t get and I’m grateful now that I didn’t. There are also things that I never thought I’d get that I now have. In these and all other things, one truth stands out. His promise that he is here and that he will never leave me or forsake me. He is truly a Good, Good Father and in that I can place my trust.
